The feeling of being Lost...

(Snigdha poses as Kate Winslet on our October 08 holiday in Manipal)

Being lost is a common occurrence for most humans, but being lost in India is something unique...

Bangalore - Tuesday 24Th February 

I often wonder what people do when they feel lost. Right now I feel lost. I think its even stranger when you feel lost in a place where you have never felt lost before.

For the last three weeks now, my life has been something of a standstill. I have pondered on what I'm doing and where I'm going. I'm in that middle junction where I find myself asking what road I should take now - the high road or the low road. What is the high road? What is the low road?

The thing is, this is the first time this has happened to me in India. In all my 8 months of living here, I haven't for one second felt lost; but now suddenly, as the wind gets lighter, the sun stronger, and my current snotty noise gets worse, I find myself pondering more about things. I don't know if 2009 has bought about a reflective sense of feeling in the air or anything like that. Do you any of you feel more reflective since 2009 came into place, or am I the only one?

However lost someone can feel, being lost in India is a whole new experience. Just at times when you feel let down, all it takes is the kindness of a normally non-co-operative auto rickshaw driver to pull you back up; just when you get angry at the arsehole shopkeeper who has decided to rip you off on something, all it takes is the freebie chucked in by another shopkeeper to keep you smiling. India - this wide, vast, cosmopolitan land - is somewhat of a lost man's paradise. Sometimes in London, when I felt lost, I had football to keep me going. Here I don't have that. Sometimes in London, when I felt lost, I could turn to the pub and friends company and get completely wasted; here, I have that but its not the same thing, especially when your more worried about what time the police are going to come knocking on the bar door.

So what am I saying about this feeling of being lost in India? It's different. Feeling lost here makes me think that feeling lost doesn't matter because there are so many people in this country, doing so many different things, that it wouldn't matter what man, woman or child is feeling...everybody is united by thing in India - people. Its the people here that can instantly take you out of the faze that your lost. And it doesn't matter who that person is, from the chai-walla to the dobee-walla to your dhost (friend) in your office. People. People are what make you feel complete again. People in India is what makes you feel like you never feel lost again. And today that person was Snigdha. Snigdha, the girl from Varanasi, just came into my office, spoke completely frankly, and gave that cute little smile that makes me smile back because its hard not to.

People make the difference here. I'm not saying anywhere else this is not the case, but in my own assessment, its amazing how the first thing we look for when feeling lost is material things like chocolate, the pub, films or a book. We look for things that will make us happy or fulfill a little gap that needs filling. In India, people look for people. I guess that's the difference...